I used to read that site occasionally although I never commented. I remember that comment about your son. It was so disgusted that I finally asked myself why I was participating in that at all, even if it was just reading it. Thanks for sharing this. I subscribed because I always liked your writing but also as a penance for giving eyeballs to that garbage.
Thank you SO much. Unnecessary of course — I mean, I read the site too — but it does feel pretty incredible to still have you as a reader all these years later, despite it all.
I've followed you since Non Society days and I remember learning about GOMI. I went on that forum once and entered a chat specifically to ask them why they felt so compelled to spend their time trashing others. Someone on the chat reached out to Alice and apparently WOKE HER UP to tell her to join the chat because of what I was talking about and she got on and everyone got so excited for her to start insulting me - it was so bizarre Jordan. Like she was a leader of this cult of haters. I can't remember exactly what I said when she started talking to me - I think I said "go back to bed weirdo" and then left the chat lol
"Go back to bed weirdo" lollll -- but I can imagine! I always told my husband, mom, friends -- because it really made them upset when full-on fictional plotlines started being created -- don't bother going on to try to "correct" anything. They do. not. care. and will only make piling on you part of the fun. Honestly though, I feel absolutely freaking RIDICULOUS even talking about this stuff; it's so beyond juvenile and embarrassing.
I had to click through to find out what GOMI is/was. I was consumed with my own young children at this time and wasn’t partaking in internet culture then. What really stands out is that the people who might label themselves feminists really had it out for you or women who didn’t fit their mold. Ironic. I’m sorry you went through this, it gave me a pit in my stomach for you.
Thanks, Tena-Marie ❤️ It’s truly next-level mind gymnastics to square up feminism with a desire to actively tear down young mothers who are (in my experience, anyway) mostly just trying to find a way to put food on the table while also raising children in a culture that offers them almost no options or support.
I could write one thousand words in response, but I remember when our friend Jen introduced us and we both realized we finally knew someone IN REAL LIFE, not through the internet, who had lived through this hell.
I love you, you are so brave. The young people cannot imagine what it takes to say anything about this because we survived by refusing to feed the trolls....... but we survived SCARRED. I will add more later because there is SO much to add.
GOMI is vile. Good for you for starting to find the words to frame your experience. I truly believe there is responsibility there for Heather’s suicide, at the very least being another voice in her head. It’s horrific bullying in the name of free speech and entertainment and I will never understand it.
Jordan, I remember these days well. The hatred was so intense and felt so personal — maybe because there were so few of us then and people didn’t understand our purpose? I remember someone writing me a horrific email and sending to me on my birthday, saying “I waited to send you this on your birthday so I could catch you at a vulnerable time.” Spelled it out, just like that! Told me I was born poor and would die poor, I didn’t deserve nice things that I couldn’t afford to buy, etc etc. Utterly bizarre.
But what I remember is that you were so unfairly and uniquely targeted in a way that was so troubling. I remember you being ripped apart for wearing heels on your (flat, safe, nyc roof) while pregnant? You couldn’t breathe without someone dissecting it in such a hateful way.
It was also terrible for us because we lived in nyc and they knew where so many of us lived. Heck, I lived in park slope and would always worry I would run into her because she said she lived there. I do not miss being a medium sized fish in a small pond. I feel for the new targets, but I’m too thin skinned to take it anymore, and I’m grateful to be irrelevant. I’m so sorry it has stuck with you. It was a very troubling time.
Well, practically crying over here. It’s such a bizarre and unique situation to find yourself in, and it means a great deal that you understand (and I’m sorry that you also relate; what a nightmare). I also feel the relief of relative anonymity these days; it was quite the lesson discovering that I don’t actually enjoy the attention that our jobs seemed — at the time, at least — to require. I adore and admire you.
I don't know you. I randomly found your It's Always Sunny blog post and read that. As a fan of that show, I felt gut-punched by empathy for you, what they did to you. Through that post, I found this one. And I'm gut-punched again by empathy for what these people did to you -- and your family.
I don't know you. But I am so fucking sorry you ever had to go through that. All of it. Any of it.
I'm blinking back tears now.
I know bullying well -- not from strangers, but from people who are supposed to love me. "Family." Abusive narcissistic sociopaths. I know how it breeds a lifelong trauma that stays lodged in the body. I know how it shapes and warps the mind. I know how it makes one wonder why to bother going on. I've never had kids, and I don't intend to, but I can't help but feel if I'd been in your situation, 6 months pregnant and dealing with that, I honestly don't know if I'd have pulled myself through -- or if I'd have become another statistic.
I don't know you, but I'm really glad you're not another statistic. I'm really glad you seem to be happy, and healing. I've been having a really tough time this past month, so it's encouraging to read your experience and see you came out ok. My experience is very different from yours, but in many ways, it's also similar.
I don't know you, but I respect you, and I love you. You don't know me, but your words and your honesty, your vulnerability, inspire me.
I don't know you, but if you haven't read a book called "Women Who Run with the Wolves"... I think you'd love it. Truly. It's been helping me a lot -- more than any other book ever has, I think.
I used to read that site occasionally although I never commented. I remember that comment about your son. It was so disgusted that I finally asked myself why I was participating in that at all, even if it was just reading it. Thanks for sharing this. I subscribed because I always liked your writing but also as a penance for giving eyeballs to that garbage.
Thank you SO much. Unnecessary of course — I mean, I read the site too — but it does feel pretty incredible to still have you as a reader all these years later, despite it all.
I've followed you since Non Society days and I remember learning about GOMI. I went on that forum once and entered a chat specifically to ask them why they felt so compelled to spend their time trashing others. Someone on the chat reached out to Alice and apparently WOKE HER UP to tell her to join the chat because of what I was talking about and she got on and everyone got so excited for her to start insulting me - it was so bizarre Jordan. Like she was a leader of this cult of haters. I can't remember exactly what I said when she started talking to me - I think I said "go back to bed weirdo" and then left the chat lol
"Go back to bed weirdo" lollll -- but I can imagine! I always told my husband, mom, friends -- because it really made them upset when full-on fictional plotlines started being created -- don't bother going on to try to "correct" anything. They do. not. care. and will only make piling on you part of the fun. Honestly though, I feel absolutely freaking RIDICULOUS even talking about this stuff; it's so beyond juvenile and embarrassing.
I had to click through to find out what GOMI is/was. I was consumed with my own young children at this time and wasn’t partaking in internet culture then. What really stands out is that the people who might label themselves feminists really had it out for you or women who didn’t fit their mold. Ironic. I’m sorry you went through this, it gave me a pit in my stomach for you.
Thanks, Tena-Marie ❤️ It’s truly next-level mind gymnastics to square up feminism with a desire to actively tear down young mothers who are (in my experience, anyway) mostly just trying to find a way to put food on the table while also raising children in a culture that offers them almost no options or support.
I could write one thousand words in response, but I remember when our friend Jen introduced us and we both realized we finally knew someone IN REAL LIFE, not through the internet, who had lived through this hell.
I love you, you are so brave. The young people cannot imagine what it takes to say anything about this because we survived by refusing to feed the trolls....... but we survived SCARRED. I will add more later because there is SO much to add.
GOMI is vile. Good for you for starting to find the words to frame your experience. I truly believe there is responsibility there for Heather’s suicide, at the very least being another voice in her head. It’s horrific bullying in the name of free speech and entertainment and I will never understand it.
Co-sign. (And thank you ❤️)
Jordan, I remember these days well. The hatred was so intense and felt so personal — maybe because there were so few of us then and people didn’t understand our purpose? I remember someone writing me a horrific email and sending to me on my birthday, saying “I waited to send you this on your birthday so I could catch you at a vulnerable time.” Spelled it out, just like that! Told me I was born poor and would die poor, I didn’t deserve nice things that I couldn’t afford to buy, etc etc. Utterly bizarre.
But what I remember is that you were so unfairly and uniquely targeted in a way that was so troubling. I remember you being ripped apart for wearing heels on your (flat, safe, nyc roof) while pregnant? You couldn’t breathe without someone dissecting it in such a hateful way.
It was also terrible for us because we lived in nyc and they knew where so many of us lived. Heck, I lived in park slope and would always worry I would run into her because she said she lived there. I do not miss being a medium sized fish in a small pond. I feel for the new targets, but I’m too thin skinned to take it anymore, and I’m grateful to be irrelevant. I’m so sorry it has stuck with you. It was a very troubling time.
Well, practically crying over here. It’s such a bizarre and unique situation to find yourself in, and it means a great deal that you understand (and I’m sorry that you also relate; what a nightmare). I also feel the relief of relative anonymity these days; it was quite the lesson discovering that I don’t actually enjoy the attention that our jobs seemed — at the time, at least — to require. I adore and admire you.
Love you and proud of you ❤️🫂
One of our early bonding topics back when we were bebes 🥹🤣
I don't know you. I randomly found your It's Always Sunny blog post and read that. As a fan of that show, I felt gut-punched by empathy for you, what they did to you. Through that post, I found this one. And I'm gut-punched again by empathy for what these people did to you -- and your family.
I don't know you. But I am so fucking sorry you ever had to go through that. All of it. Any of it.
I'm blinking back tears now.
I know bullying well -- not from strangers, but from people who are supposed to love me. "Family." Abusive narcissistic sociopaths. I know how it breeds a lifelong trauma that stays lodged in the body. I know how it shapes and warps the mind. I know how it makes one wonder why to bother going on. I've never had kids, and I don't intend to, but I can't help but feel if I'd been in your situation, 6 months pregnant and dealing with that, I honestly don't know if I'd have pulled myself through -- or if I'd have become another statistic.
I don't know you, but I'm really glad you're not another statistic. I'm really glad you seem to be happy, and healing. I've been having a really tough time this past month, so it's encouraging to read your experience and see you came out ok. My experience is very different from yours, but in many ways, it's also similar.
I don't know you, but I respect you, and I love you. You don't know me, but your words and your honesty, your vulnerability, inspire me.
I don't know you, but if you haven't read a book called "Women Who Run with the Wolves"... I think you'd love it. Truly. It's been helping me a lot -- more than any other book ever has, I think.
<3
Kira, that is so kind. Thank you. I’m sorry you went through that as well — sending lots of love and strength ❤️